I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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