**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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