Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Vodka?
Forever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
