It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
