I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
