You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
