I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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