I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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