I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
