He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
