I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
