After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my poor anus
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
