I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Life is so much better after having sex.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
