i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Text me some of your sweat
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