I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
