I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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