Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
