Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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