He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
