I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
