i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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