i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
