He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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