1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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