We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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