Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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