"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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