how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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