HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
