Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
