beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
