I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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