Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
