I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this will be a night to untag.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
