Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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