I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
