Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I understand Curling. That high.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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