good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
