I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it was like eating out sand paper
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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