My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
