you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
