And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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