Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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