Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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