3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
