Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
