why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
