i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
