I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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