Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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