Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
