Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
