I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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