Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
