We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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