fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
