after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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