this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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