I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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