her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He shit in the fireplace
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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