so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
