My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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