Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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