Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
