don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
