you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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