Your tits are I can't wait for
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
