Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
