apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
