how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
