Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
