I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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