Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just tell him i said nine months
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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