My nipple is on Facebook.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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