I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
