Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
