I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
