he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
