JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
