even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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