I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
